IJMC Make.Penis.Fast

                        IJMC - Make.Penis.Fast

Nope, this isn't a way for you to speed up the lovemaking process, but it 
does claim to be able to help males experience it more often! I suppose 
it could be a true test of "it's not the size that counts?"         -dave



Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you
will have received well over 50,000 inches of penis, all yours.
This program has remained successful because of the inadequacy
and vanity of the participants.  Please continue its
success by carefully adhering to the instructions.

Welcome to the world of Mail Order Penis Enlargement!  This little business
is a little different than most cosmetic surgery.  Your product
is not solid (sic) and tangible, but rather a service.  You are in
the business of extending penii.  Many small of
endowment are happy to pay big bucks for this service.
   (The money made from the penis enlargement is secondary to the
    income which is made from people like yourself requesting
    that they be included in that list.)

  1)  Immediately cut off your penis at the base.

  2)  Cut off the head of your penis, and pack it in ice.

  3)  Take the remaining midsection of your penis, and cut it
      into 5 pieces of equal length.

  4)  Immediately mail each piece to the first 5 names listed
      below starting at number 1 through number 5.  Send penis only
      please (total investment your penis). Enclose a note with each
      piece stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list."
         (This is a legitimate service that you
          are requesting and you are paying your penis
          for this service).

  2)  Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list.
      Move the other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will
      become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.)
      Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10

  3)  Post the new letter with your name in the number 10
      position into 10 (Ten) separate bulletin boards in the
      message base or to the file section, call the file,

  4)  Within 60 days you will receive over 50,000 inches of
      PENIS.  Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can
      use it again and again whenever you need penis enlargement.
      As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically
      in the mail order business and people are sending you their penis
      to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to
      a reconstructive cosmetic surgeon that can be found in the Yellow
      Pages for additional income on a regular basis.  The list will become
      more valuable as it grows in size.  This is a service.  This is
      perfectly legal.  If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18,
      Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.

       NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent
             to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not
             discard the names and notes they send you.  This is
             PROOF that you are truly providing a service and
             should the AMA, FDA, or some other Government Agency
             question you, you can provide them with this proof!

   Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions
   carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for
   their participation as a Penis Enlarger with one inch of penis
   each.  Your name will move up the list geometrically so that
   when your name reaches the number five position you will be
   receiving thousands of inches in penis.

  1. Daniel J. Karnes  6394-B Tawney Bloom
                        Mogi Donuts, MD

  2. Emil T. Chuck    6394-A Tawney Bloom
                        Mogi Donuts, MD

  3. John Doe          7690 Karnesville Road
                        Phobic, MI

  4. William Davenant  8295 Hiding Closet Rd
                        Clarkston, MI

  5. Peter Ruckman     14805 Rivercrest
                        Sterling Hts., MI

  6. Steven Crisp      3718 Kings Point
                        Troy, MI

  7. Mark Gengler      5748 Patterson
                        Troy, MI

  8. Pat Robertson      666 God's Little Homophobe Road
                         Anti-Christ Hills, VA

  9. Fred Phelps       14-U Our Saviour of the Closet Lane
                        Orchard Lake, MI

  10. Jesse Helms      20840 Tobacco Mercenary Street
                        Lung Cancer Hacks., VA

Dear Friend,

     My name is Daniel J. Karnes.  In September 1988 my life was
repressed and the bible thumpers were hounding me like you
wouldn't believe.  I was never laid and my mental disability checks
had run out.  The only escape I had from the pressure of
failure was my Apple computer and my bible.  I longed to
turn my fixation into my vocation.

     This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day
cruise to the tropics.  I bought a Double-Wide Trailer with CASH
in Feburary 1989.  I am currently building a Self-Worship Temple
on the West Coast of Florida, with a private S/M Dungeon with room
for all of my closeted friends, and a beautiful view of the bay
from my women's shoes closet and wardrobe.  I will never be underendowed
again.  Today I am equipped!  I have over 400,000 inches of penis
(33,333 feet and 4 inches! ) to date and will become a million-incher
within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same.  This penis enlargement
making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time.
I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000 inches or more whenever I wanted.
Best of all you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or
reconstructive surgeon.

     In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail
telling me how I could earn 50,000 inches of penis or more whenever
I wanted.  I was naturally very skeptical and threw the
letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though,
when you are desparately underendowed, backed into a corner, your mind
does crazy things. I spent a frustating day looking through the
want ads for a wife who didn't need sexual fulfillment.  The pickings
were sparse at best.  That night I tried to unwind by booting up my
Apple computer and calling several gay bulletin boards.  I read
several of the message posts and then glanced at the letter
next to the computer.  All at once it came to me, I now had
the key to my dreams.

      I realized that with the power of the computer I could
expand and enhance this penis making formula into the most
unbelievable penis enlargement generator that has ever been created.
I substituted the computer bulletion boards in place of the
post office and electronically did by computer what others
were doing 100% by mail.  Now only a few letters are mailed
manually.  Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to
other bulletin boards throughout the world.  If you believe
that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have
waited for all your life, simply follow the easy
instructions below.  Your dreams will come true.

                          Sincerely yours,

                          Daniel J. Karnes
                          -- Why doesn't Wenchell's
                          -- Serve Mogi Donuts?

     About six months ago I received the enclosed post in
letter form.  I ignored it.  I received about five more of
the same letter withn the next two weeks.  I ignored them
also.  Of course, I was tempted to follow through and
dreamed of making thousands of inches, but I was convinced it was just
another gimmick and could not possibly work.  I was wrong!
About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a
local bulletion board in Montreal.  I liked the idea of
giving it a try with my computer.  I didn't expect much
because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as I,
they wouldn't be too quick to part with their penis.  But,
I buy lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing
to show for it but ticket stubs.  This week I decided to
look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. I addressed the
envelopes and mailed out one piece of my penis in each as directed.
Two weeks went by and I didn't recieve anything in the mail.
The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what
happened!  I can't say I received 50,000 inches, but it was
definitely well over 35,000!  For the first time in all my
years, I was adequately endowed.   It was great.  Of course, it
didn't take me long to feel inadequate again so I am using
this excellent penis enlargement opportunity once again.  Follow the
instructions and get ready to enjoy.

     Please send a copy of this letter along with the
enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are
skeptical that it really works!

                             Good Luck,
                             John R. Doe
                             St Agathe Que.

To find out more about penis enlargement, contact DJKarnes@netcom.com.
This document is an attempt at humor.  Anyone who flames me will be
ignored as a humorless twit, who's indignation is without meaning.

IJMC June 1996 Archives