IJMC FratSpeak 101

			   IJMC - FratSpeak 101
Wow. When did fraternities find the intelligence to develop their own 
language? Hell, when did they learn to speak past "beer!" and "wooman!"?
Ok, not one of my favorite groups, but not as bad as some...       -dave


                        Fraternity-English Dictionary

                        POPULAR FRAT TERMINOLOGY

        In Fraternity                           In English


* "I'll kick your ass!                  * "I'm gonna get about 20 of my
                                           frat buddies together and we're
                                           gonna wield bats and hope we can
                                           catch you asleep under a tree
                                           so we can beat you up!"

* "I've never lost a fight."            * "I've never been in a fight."

* "I'm about to introduce you to        * "I'm gonna pay a football player
  a work of pain."                        to beat you up."

* "Surely we can talk this out like     * "Not the face!  Not the face!"
   rational human beings."

* "I believe in a fair fight."          * "We'll start the fight when my
                                          back up arrives."


* "By taking the initiative to go       * "I'm here for beer in sex, in no
  on to a university and further my       particular order."
  education, I hope to broaden my
  horizons, open new eployment
  oppurtunities, and be a better
  person on the whole."


* "Hello, may I buy you a drink?"       * "How much alcohol does it take
                                          to get you in bed?"

* "Would you like to dance?"            * "Please give me a reason to touch

* "I think men should be more           * "It really pisses me off when
  responsive to the needs of              chicks don't swallow."

* "That's a very interesting            * "That's a very interesting name
  name you have."                         you have.  Of course, in five
                                          minutes, I'll be so absorbed by
                                          alcohol and staring at your chest
                                          that I won't remember it."

* "Would you like to go back to         * "Let's go back to my places where
  my place?"                              I can paw at you, get slapped,
                                          and later brag to all my frat
                                          brothers about what an easy lay
                                          you were, destroying any chance
                                          at respectability you have."

* "I'd like to get to know you          * "Take off your bra."


* "I respect Christianity.  Jesus       * "Anyone who turns water to
  was a great man, full of love           wine can't be all bad."
  and patience.  The hate he had
  to endure, and yet he still
  loved us all.  He truly was the
  Son of God."


* "I respect you for your decision      * "Damn it, I paid for your dinner.
  of abstenance."                         Now put out!"

* "Of course I'll respect you in        * "Respect you in the morning?  I
  the morning."                           can't even remember your name

* "I want you to know I don't do        * "Looks like I get another notch
  this with just anyone."                 on the ol' belt.  Three more and
                                          my frat pals throw a kegger in my

* "Despite our differences, I'm         * "You're ugly, but I don't wanna
  still willing to make a go at           look at you.  Just f**k you."
  a relationship."

* "I love you."                         * "God I hope I wasn't stupid
                                          enough to give you my real
                                          phone number."


* "I totally agree with your            * "Just because I can't make you
  stance and am angered how my            sit at the back of the bus does
  race has oppressed you for so           not mean I have to like you."

* "The plight of your people is         * "I hate you [insert appropriate
  truly an awe-inspiring tale."           racial slur here]."

* "I want you to know that despite      * "Please don't mug me."
  our color differences, I think of
  you as a brother."

* "Not enough people take birth         * "So what if it IS my kid, I don't
  control seriously."                     see how it's my problem."

* "But the problems with condoms        * "No way in hell am I putting
  is you still run the 20%+ chance        something that looks like a
  of it rupturing during sex."            party balloon on my dick."

* "Something needs to be done about     * "Can't we shoot them or
  the homeless problem in our             something?"

* "It breaks my heart to think          * "Better him than me."
  somewhere in the world, a small
  child will go to bed without his
  dinner again tonight."

                        COMMON FRAT VOCABULARY

        In English                                      In Fraternity

        Woman                                           Bitch
        Holy Water                                      Beer
        God                                             Beer
        Someone who can help me                         Friend
          get what I need, be
          there when I need to use
          them and never asks for
          favors in return
        Someone who can be in no                        Asshole
          way exploited.
        Art school student <when                        Fairy
          in company of other frats>
        Art school student <when                        Master of the
          alone & surrounded by                         Visual Arts
          other art school students)
        Checking Account/Loan Officer                   Daddy
        Girlfriend                                      Guaranteed Sex
        Janitor                                         Most probable

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