IJMC - Marriage: The Final Frontier

Now this may not show it, but one of my favorite movie scenes ever is the 
one from "The River Wild" where the mother counters her daughter's 
marriage problems with a bit about her own marriage. It isn't easy, but 
it is good for a few laughs.                                        -dave





  Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with
  friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other
  fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
 
 
  At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing
  your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied,
  "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
 
 
  Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
 

  Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and
  the woman gets her master's.
 
 
  A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
  married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for
  it."
 
 
  Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
  doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
  Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
 
 
  Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
  was until I got married; and then it was too late.

 
  A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the
  wife takes.
 

  When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a
  ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
 
 
  Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man
  speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks
  and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
  listen.
 
 
  After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool
  when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in
  love and didn't notice it."
 
 
  It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends
  up with the same boss.
 
 
  A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifiers: "Wife wanted". Next day he
  received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
  "You can have mine."
 
 
  When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
  one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
 
 
  A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
 
 
  A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a
  millionaire."  "And what was he before you married him." Asked the
  friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".