SquishTeX
  IJMC - SquishTeX You know, SquishTeX would be interesting to run an IJMC rambling through...I wonder if anything would come out? Well, for the next week and a few days, I'm afraid nothing will come out of the IJMC, unless someone wants to track me down and hand me a cellular capable portable computer? Nope? Well then, you'll just have to make do with your overflowing mailboxes without more IJMC to heap on the top! But do not despair, I shall return. I just gotta get outta this place, ya know? Till next I write... -dave Is your manuscript 213 words too long with the deadline in 10 minutes? Do the last two citations run over the 10-page limit? Are your lines already running off the page? Is the move from 5-point to 4-point looking inevitable? *** NO MORE *** Now, No-Knuthing Technologies presents SquishTeX, the first typesetting program with a compression coefficient, $\alpha$, that allows you to continuously vary the length of your document from original size to zero without ever violating journal submission guidelines. If $\alpha = 1$, SquishTeX performs in the same uncompromising, idyllic fashion as the original TeX. As $\alpha$ is decreased towards 0, SquishTeX uses a variety of proprietary devices to cleverly condense your text. * Substitution of almost-equivalent citations, but with shorter names and fewer authors. Elimination of citations of authors unlikely to be on review boards. * Elision of unnecessarily pompous literary devices: adjectives, adverbs and prepositions, for instance. * Automatic use of thesaurus to find short equivalents of long words: relativistic -> fast superlative -> rad 1.56 * 10^37 -> a lot * Elimination of vowels and consonants that seem "obvious enough". * Wide-scale deletion of mindless drivel. * Use of the "you can guess the rest" syntactic construct. Turn a 200 page thesis into an 8 page conference paper ($\alpha = .04$)! No document is too complex. New users will marvel at the sophisticated foreign air about their papers! 

 July 1996 Archives