IJMC Just Remember, Golf's A Four Letter Word

              IJMC - Just Remember, Golf's A Four Letter Word

Here's a pair of golf "stories" for just about anyone. If you don't enjoy 
at least one of these...well, I'll try again tomorrow (just no more golf, 
I can't really stand the game.).                                    -dave

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a Jewish rabbi were have a great day
play golf one tuesday, when at the 6th hole they came up against a foursome
ahead of them that were moving like snails. No hints or comments would make them
move faster. They couldn't play around or play through. The final ten holes
which should have taken less than 90 minutes eventually turned into 6 hours.

Swearing like sailors, these three men-of-the-cloth returned to the club house
thoroughly frustrated. The golf pro, having seen them approach, asked how their
game. The replied, "Terrible!", and explained why. The golf pro with a facial
expression of realization, smacked his forehead and said, "I should have told
you. Tuesday mornings, I let the Columbia Lighthouse for the Blind take a
foursome around the course as a goodwill gesture.

"My God," the priest uttered to the golf pro.  "I said some pretty ugly things
about those guys and now I find out they were disabled. I'm going to have the
Arch Diocese make a generous donation to the Lighthouse.

"I'm pretty embarrassed myself," the minister cut in. "I feel so terrible I must
go on retreat and repent for at least a week."

The rabbi, taking this all in, questioned the golf pro in a thick accent, "Vhat.
Dey couldn't play at night?"


On a different course, two golfers on a blind draw when on the fairway, one
golfer asked the other to hand him his six iron.  Having drawn the iron out of
the bag, he noticed a high-power rifle with a sling and sniper scope attached.

A little anxious over this, he held is curiousity in check, until the last hole
with the green within sight of the golf shack. Finally, he had to ask the hit
man, "Just how much do you get for a hit."

The wise guy answered, "$10,000 each time I pull the trigger."

"That's a lot of money," the man wowed.

"But I never miss," the other assured. "Why don't you pick up the rifle and get
the feel of it. It feels good."

The man did. Peering through the scope he scanned the horizon. But fixed upon
the golf shack, he spyed his wife making it with the golf pro, a man he'd been
suspicious over for quite some time.

Furious, beyond all control, he thrusts the rifle back into the hitman's arms,
related what he saw and demanded, "I'm making you out a check for $20,000. I
want you to kill them both!"

"If you're sure about this," the hitman said, and started to sight the rifle.
"Anywhere special you want the guy to get it?"

"He's such a prick," the man said. "Why not shoot him in the crotch and blow his
dick off."

"Right," the wiseguy acknowledged. "What about your wife. Where does she get

"Well, she's got the biggest mouth...why not shoot her in the mouth and blow her
head off!"

The hit man continued to sight the rifle. What seemed like an eternity to the
man caused him to say, "What's keeping you. Just go ahead and shoot."

Still sighting down the long bore, he softly said, "Just about 10 more seconds
and I can save you $10,000."

IJMC July 1996 Archives