IJMC Those Darn Lawyers

			IJMC - Those Darn Lawyers

Once...once...once in a while lawyers can be funny (ok, so my friends 
would say the same of me, shaddup Derek'n'Pat) that still doesn't mean I 
think we should let them live into the next century. I just think the 
world would be a better place for all without them...especially a better 
place for trampolines. And after the lawyers, mebbe would could get the 
politicians? I can dream, can't I? G'night everybody.              -dave

          "Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
          Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
          taken from official court records nationwide...
          1)  Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
          2)  Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
          dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
          quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
          until the next morning?
          3)  Q: What happened then?
          A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
          you can identify me.'
          Q: Did he kill you?
          4)  Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
          5)  The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
          6)  Were you alone or by yourself.
          7)  How long have you been a French Canadian?
          8)  Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
          9)  Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
          that picture.
          A: That's me.
          Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
          10) Were you present in court this morning when you were
          sworn in?
          11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
          A: By death.
          Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
          12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
          A: I'll be three months on November 8.
          Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
          August 8?
          A: Yes.
          Q: What were you doing at that time?
          13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
          A: I used to be.
          Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
          14) So you were gone until you returned?
          15) Q: She had three children, right?
          A: Yes.
          Q: How many were boys?
          A: None.
          Q: Were there girls?
          16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
          it looked like, but can you describe it?
          17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
          A: Yes.
          Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
          18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
          A: Not yet.
          19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
          unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
          and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
          20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
          examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose
          A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
          8:30 p.m.
          Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
          A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
          table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

IJMC January 1996 Archives