IJMC Operation Vowel Storm

		    IJMC - Operation Vowel Storm

I've seen some silly emails in my day but this one just about takes the 
cake. Now if only it was remotely close to the truth...             -dv


        Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients 

       Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, 
President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to 
the war-torn region of Bosnia.  The deployment, the largest of its kind 
in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed 
letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names 
more pronounceable.

        "For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and 
Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the 
world," Clinton said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up 
and say 'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some 
vowels in their incomprehensible words.  The US is proud to lead the 
crusade in this noble endeavour."

        The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State 
Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities 
of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to be the first recipients.  Two C-130 
transport planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will 
fly from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the 
letters over the cities.

        Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of 
the vowels.

"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, 
said. "I have six children and none of them has a name that is 
understandable to me or to anyone else.  Mr. Clinton, please send my 
poor,  wretched family just one 'E.' Please."

        Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key 
letters, I could be George Humphries.  This is my dream."

        The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to 
a foreign country since 1984.  During the summer of that year, the US 
shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, 
Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's. 

IJMC January 1996 Archives