IJMC - Republikkkan Correct Riding Hood

All this and Bob Dole saying he'll cut income tax by 15%. Does that mean 
that the deficeit will increase by 15% while he's in office (hypothesis, 
let's please don't test it people...)?                             -dave

P.S. I want a lollypop.





[My friend David Crispin <bushler@u.washington.edu> writes, "I received one
too many "Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood" e-mails. I snapped. I
returned this version to a very long cc list..." -Carter]

Subject: Republikkkan correct riding hood... (fwd)

Little red riding hood's mother, a public relations spokesperson for a
large chemical corporation, asked her daughter to deliver a subpoena to her
grandmother. Grandma had been exposed to effluent from the chemical plant
and was trying to get the culprits to pay for her medical expenses. "She
has no proof," snarled her mother, "There are no studies that indicate this
form of exposure causes the exact array of symptoms she displays. This is
merely a ploy to suck cash from our fine corporation." And so little red
riding hood set off across the toxic waste dump with an elementary school
built on top, and passed the prison labor camp where all of the minorities
were busy making a profit for large multinational's. She went over the
strip mined mountains and through the clearcut forests. While passing
through an urban center she happened upon a homeless old wolf. "Spare
change?" he croaked, holding forth his shabby hat, "It seems I am a little
down on my luck". "PARASITE!!" screeched little red riding hood, "Get a
job!!"
	"But lady, I'm a little off if you take my meaning, ever since the
government stopped treatment for the psychological effects of blowing
people to bits in other countries," he whispered, "I can barely keep my
shit together to beg from you much less hold a job".
        Little red riding hood spit in his hat then called 911 on her c-
phone. 45 of the nation's finest arrived and promptly beat the wolf to a
pulp. "Sorry about the inconvenience Miss riding hood," said the police
chief, "we have new laws for such people. We have built bigger better
prisons and this wolf will be there for a very long time."
        "Praise Jesus," said red riding hood, and she went on her merry
way. She arrived at Grandma's house and noticed that the property was in a
prime location for a new shopping mall. "I'll have to get power of attorney
and put the old biddy in a rest home," she muttered, " this place is a gold
mine." She entered Grandma's house and saw the old woman was not well, "OH
My grandmother, how skinny you look."
        "My social security check only allows me one can of cat food per
day", said grandmother.
        "That will have to stop, I'm tired of my hard earned tax dollars
being squandered on your entitlements," said red riding hood. "And
grandmother, what open, running sores you have."
        "Exposure to effluent from the chemical plant has done that to me
dear. And my medicare checks were seized retroactively to purchase military
hardware that doesn't even work, as well as give a tax cut to those who
need it the least," said grandmother.
        " You tax and spend liberal," sneered red riding hood, "People like
you make me sick. I don't see why we should support education, health care,
and job training for people like you when there are weapons to build, tax
breaks to large corporations to give, orphanages and prisons to make for
the people who weren't educated or trained and had to resort to crime to
feel adaequate in a society that glorifies material wealth. Don't you know
the lord will provide?" Red riding hood served the subpoena, snatched the
title to grandmother's house, and within 24 hours a mega mall was built on
the spot. When the limo delivered red riding hood and her mother to the
grand opening they saw grandmother begging for change on the sidewalk. "Oh
jesus have mercy on her soul," red riding hood and her mother chanted as
they had her arrested. Red riding hood cut a check to billy graham and
immediatley felt better.