IJMC - Proxy Fathers
I've gotta say, I think those who are fighting socialized medicine
oughtta take a look at this...whoooooweee, I'm in the wrong line of work!
BTW, for any who were wondering, yes, the IJMC was back down for a week...
basically I'm on a new modem, new com card, and all kinds of other
things. But the new setup seems to work with the Internet just fine...I'm
keeping my fingers crossed...now I can get to work on that web page.
Right after NetWorld. Augh! -dave
The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently
been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers".
Under the governments plan, any married woman who is unable to become
pregnant during the first five years of her marriage may request the service
of a "Proxy Father" a government employee who attempts to solve the woman's
problem by getting her pregnant.
The Smiths, a young married couple have no children and the government man
is due to arrive. Mr.Smith on leaving, says "I'm off, the Government man
should be here soon". INSTEAD, however a door-to-door photographer who
specialises in baby pictures rings the bell.
THE CONVERSATION WENT AS FOLLOWS:
Ms.Smith: Good morning.
Salesman: Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...
Ms.Smith: Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told
me you were coming.
Salesman: Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of
babies, especially twins.
Ms.Smith: That's what my husband said. Please sit down.
Salesman: Then your husband probably told you that...
Ms.Smith: Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.
Salesman: Well, in that case perhaps we should get right
on with it.
Ms.Smith: (blushing) Well, just where do we start?
Salesman: Just leave everything to me. I usually try two
in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple
in the bed. Sometimes the living room floor works
Ms.Smith: Bathroom!!! Living room floor!!! No wonder it
hasn't worked for us.
Salesman: Well lady, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time, but if we try six or seven times one of
'em is bound to be a honey.
Ms.Smith: Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?
Salesman: No indeed, in my line a man can't do his work in
Ms.Smith: Well have you had much success with this?
Salesman: (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just
look at these babies! They're all jobs I've handled.
This one took four hours.
Ms.Smith: Yes, this is a lovely child.
Salesman: But if you want to hear about a really tough
assignment, look at this picture. Believe it or not, it
was done on top of a bus in downtown London.
Ms.Smith: OH MY GOD!!!
Salesman: And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in
town. They turned out exceptionally well when you
consider that their mother was hard to work with.
Ms.Smith: Oh, she was?
Salesman: Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were
all around four and five deep pushing to get a good look.
Ms.Smith: Four and five deep!!!
Salesman: Yes, and for more than three hours too. But I
finally got a couple of buddies to keep them back. I
could've shot again before dark, but by that time the
squirrels were beginning to nibble on my equipment and
I had to give up.
Ms.Smith: You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh -
Salesman: Yes, but it's all in a days work.
I've spent three long years perfecting my technique. Take
this baby. I shot this one in the front window of a big
Ms.Smith: I can't believe it!
Salesman: Well, madam, if your ready, I'll get my tripod.
Salesman: Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment
on. It's much too heavy to hold in my hand.
Ms.Smith... Ms.Smith... Ms.Smith...
Goodness, she fainted!!!