IJMC Proxy Fathers

			IJMC - Proxy Fathers

I've gotta say, I think those who are fighting socialized medicine 
oughtta take a look at this...whoooooweee, I'm in the wrong line of work!

BTW, for any who were wondering, yes, the IJMC was back down for a week...
basically I'm on a new modem, new com card, and all kinds of other 
things. But the new setup seems to work with the Internet just fine...I'm 
keeping my fingers crossed...now I can get to work on that web page. 
Right after NetWorld. Augh!					     -dave

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently
been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers".  
Under the governments plan, any married woman who is unable to become 
pregnant during the first five years of her marriage may request the service 
of a "Proxy Father" a government employee who attempts to solve the woman's
problem by getting her pregnant.

The Smiths, a young married couple have no children and the government man 
is due to arrive. Mr.Smith on leaving, says "I'm off, the Government man 
should be here soon".  INSTEAD, however a door-to-door photographer who 
specialises in baby pictures rings the bell.


 Ms.Smith:        Good morning.

 Salesman:        Good morning, you don't know me but I've come to...

 Ms.Smith:        Oh, you don't have to explain. My husband told
                  me you were coming.

 Salesman:        Oh? Well good. I've made a specialty of
                  babies, especially twins.

 Ms.Smith:        That's what my husband said. Please sit down.

 Salesman:        Then your husband probably told you that...

 Ms.Smith:        Oh yes, we both agreed this is the best thing to do.

 Salesman:        Well, in that case perhaps we should get right
                  on with it.

 Ms.Smith:        (blushing) Well, just where do we start?

 Salesman:        Just leave everything to me. I usually try two
                  in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple
                  in the bed. Sometimes the living room floor works

 Ms.Smith:        Bathroom!!! Living room floor!!! No wonder it
                  hasn't worked for us.

 Salesman:        Well lady, none of us can guarantee a good one
                  every time, but if we try six or seven times one of
                  'em is bound to be a honey.

 Ms.Smith:        Pardon me, but isn't this a bit informal?

 Salesman:        No indeed, in my line a man can't do his work in
                  a hurry.

 Ms.Smith:        Well have you had much success with this?

 Salesman:        (opening case and showing baby pictures) Just
                  look at these babies! They're all jobs I've handled.

                  This one took four hours.

 Ms.Smith:        Yes, this is a lovely child.

 Salesman:        But if you want to hear about a really tough
                  assignment,  look at this picture. Believe it or not, it
                  was done on top of a bus in downtown London.

 Ms.Smith:        OH MY GOD!!!

 Salesman:        And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in
                  town.  They turned out exceptionally well when you
                  consider that their mother was hard to work with.

 Ms.Smith:        Oh, she was?

 Salesman:        Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her
                  down to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were
                  all around four and five deep pushing to get a good look.

 Ms.Smith:        Four and five deep!!!

 Salesman:        Yes, and for more than three hours too. But I
                  finally got a couple of buddies to keep them back. I
                  could've shot again before dark, but by that time the
                  squirrels were beginning to nibble on my equipment and
                  I had to give up.

 Ms.Smith:        You mean they actually chewed on your ahhh -

 Salesman:        Yes, but it's all in a days work.
                  I've spent three long years perfecting my technique. Take
                  this baby. I shot this one in the front window of a big
                  department store.

 Ms.Smith:        I can't believe it!

 Salesman:        Well, madam, if your ready, I'll get my tripod.

 Ms.Smith:        TRIPOD???!!!

 Salesman:        Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment
                  on.  It's much too heavy to hold in my hand.
                  Ms.Smith...  Ms.Smith... Ms.Smith...
                  Goodness, she fainted!!!

IJMC September 1995 Archives