IJMC - Does Clinton's Plan Cover This?

I hope everyone in America had a happy turkey day, I know I'll be at the 
gym on Monday working it off...to the rest of you, g'night.        -dave




Beware of dangerous moon

Include universal coverage for mooning-induced injuries in the federal
health care plan.

Bry Miller
TEXAN  COLUMNIST

   Smoking, alcohol, cholesterol and unprotected sex get pages upon pages of
press attention, but other health risks are relatively neglected. As a
public service, I dedicate this column to one of those lesser-known
dangers: mooning.
   Take the case of Tamara Jo Klemkowsky of Waldorf, Md. Apparently Tamara
Jo was traveling on a chartered party bus when she lowered her britches to
moon a passing car. She placed her cheeks against an emergency window,
which gave way, letting her tumble to the pavement below. She wound up with
several broken bones and the shame that comes with appearing in the
syndicated column News of the Weird.
   This caught my attention as it occurred less than two years after a
student at Rice University also had a disastrous run-in (or back-in) with a
window. This fellow was running with a posse of about 50 other students.
   They didn't wear cowboy hats, white sheets, L.A. Raiders jackets or
anything else associated with better-known posses. For that matter, they
weren't wearing anything else at all, except shaving cream.
   This group is a Rice institution known as Baker 13. Their sole aim is to
run around campus leaving as many bodyprints as their 12-ounce can of
lemon-lime Barbasol will allow. On Halloween 1992, Rice freshman John
Hunter attempted to leave the imprint from his buttocks on a glass door of
the library. He jumped backwards, landing his hindquarters on the door with
such force as to shatter the glass. He also sliced his buns, requiring
emergency care. Since Hunter lacked liability insurance on his derriere,
funds for the door's repair were raised through the sale of "Save John's
Ass" T-shirts.
   Less than a year later, another Baker 13 runner attempted to moon his
roommate through a glass window with the same unfortunate result.
   And recently the San Jose Mercury News reported that Jason Wilkins, a
student at the University of Idaho, filed a $940,000 suit against the
school because he fell out of a third-floor window while mooning a group of
his friends. He claims the school failed to provide a reasonably safe
environment and failed to warn him about the dangers of upstairs windows.
   While the thrill of mooning can be great, certain types of mooning
should not be tried by amateurs. In 1991, a man mooned Galveston beachgoers
while hanging from a bungee cord. Although the man was not injured, he was
immediately ticketed by an officer for "bungee mooning."
   Considering the mounting evidence that a mooning crisis exists in this
country, I advocate the following plan to resolve this crisis:
   * Place the following warning on all new glass windows and doors:  The
surgeon general cautions you that use of this window in a mooning incident
may be hazardous to the well-being of your posterior.
   * Fund studies on making glass windows and doors more resistant to
rear-ending by humans.
   * Include universal coverage for mooning-induced injuries in the federal
health care plan. Every American has the right of guaranteed care for his
injured tush.
   * Require mooning education for at-risk youth. It is inevitable that
many will moon, so it is vital they learn how to do it safely.
   This crisis must be addressed. Write your congressman and/or Howard
Stern today. The butt you save may be your own.
   Miller is a first-year law student.