IJMC Hunting Elephants!

			IJMC - Hunting Elephants!

Now, now, now, before you get up on your global environmental soapbox and 
flame me to extra crispy, read on! And remember, the IJMC does not 
endorse nor condone the hunting of elephants...feeding them peanuts, yes. 
Hunting them, no. Using them to make fun of others, definately!     -dave

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out 
everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever 
is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the
existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to 
step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one 
unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an 
actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
 1. Go to Africa.
 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
    alternately east and west.
 4. During each traverse pass,
    a. Catch each animal seen.
    b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant. 
    c. Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known 
elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their 
hands and knees.
ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching gray animals at 
random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 
15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are 
paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an 
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything
at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation 
of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting 
strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you 
catch with the people who voted for them.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around 
arguing about who owns the droppings.
SOFTWARE LAWYERS will claim that they own an entire herd based on the 
look and feel of one dropping.
hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it.  When the 
vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure 
that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice 
president sees them.  If the  vice president does see a nonprehunted 
elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen 
eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the 
assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper 
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes 
the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling 
elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season 
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an 
invoice for an elephant.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them gray, and sell them as 
desktop elephants.

Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC).
Unless otherwise specified, distribute freely. All questions, comments,
submissions, and requests should be directed to Dave at eatheror@netcom.com
       IJMC WebPage - http://gsusgi2.gsu.edu/~stdmdix/ijmc/ijmc.html

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IJMC May 1995 Archives