IJMC - It's Misc. Time Again!

Well, this has sat in the outgoing pile since April, figured I outta let 
you see it...it's short and sweet...enjoy!			   -dave





Subject: Drive By Shooting 

(Better when said)

What goes clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop?

An Amish drive by shooting!

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Subject: job description

The Dream Job:

Running the complaint dept. after the meek inherit the earth.

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Subject:  Unusual Court Cases/Sentences

Lynn Persoff was sentenced for contempt of court in August for violating a
court order (on a divorce settlement) not to bad-mouth her ex-husband,
Myron.  At a black-tie social event in Boca Raton, Fla., a community in
which both are well-known socialites, she called him a "moron."

In January, Bernard Sexton, 26, of Cambridge, Ill., withdrew his guilty plea
to misdemeanor alcohol charges and pleaded instead to a related felony,
good for an 18-month sentence.  Reason: The county jail where misdemeanants
are sent bans smoking, but the state prison permits it.

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Subject:  Doctors

It seems that in Florida, when EMS was just beginning many years ago,
there was an ER doctor on the med channels who was talking to paramedics
who were trying to restart a guy's heart, to no avail.  As the medics
kept trying, the MD ordered every drug in the drug box into
the patient, in the hopes that *SOMETHING* would work.  When his last
option was exhausted, in desperation, he asked "Is there a phone book
there?"  The surprised medics answered affirmatively, and the MD asked
"Do you know this guy's name?"  The bewildered medics again answered
yes.  "OK," the doc said, "Look up his name and CROSS IT OUT..."

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Subject:  Empolyee Evaluation

Employee Evaluation

Name:  ________________________ Date:  __________________

Position:  ___________________

==================================================
Knowledge:
[ ]     The Son of a Bitch Really Knows His Shit!
[ ]     Knows Just Enough To Be Dangerous.
[ ]     Only Has Half a Brain and is Dangerous.
[ ]     Fucking Brain Damaged, His Coffee Cup Has a Higher IQ.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Accuracy:
[ ]     Does Excellent Work If Not Pre-occupied With Pussy.
[ ]     Pretty Good; Only Occasionally Blows it Out His Ass.
[ ]     Has to Take His Shoes Off To Count Higher Than Ten.
[ ]     Couldn't Count His Balls And Get The Same Number Twice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Attitude:
[ ]     Extremely Cooperative (Kisses Ass Daily).
[ ]     Brown Noser In Good Standing.
[ ]     Often Pisses Off Co-Workers, Thinks He Owns the Damn Place
[ ]     Doesn't Give A Shit, Never Did, Never Will.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reliability:
[ ]     Really A Dependable CockSucker.
[ ]     Works So Hard That He Has To Take An Extra Day Off Each Week.
[ ]     Can Rely On Him To Be The First One Out The Door.
[ ]     Totally Fucking Worthless.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Appearance:
[ ]     Extremely Neat, Even Combs His Pubic Hair.
[ ]     Looks Great On His Days Off.
[ ]     Dirty, Filthy, Smelly Son Of a Bitch.
[ ]     Flies Leave Fresh Dog Shit To Follow Him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Performance:
[ ]     Goes Like A Son Of A Bitch...If There's Money In It For Him.
[ ]     Does All Kinds of Good Shit At Evaluation Time.
[ ]     Works Well After An Enema/threats.
[ ]     Couldn't Do Less If He Were In A Coma.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leadership:
[ ]     Carries A Chain saw And Gets Good Results.
[ ]     Macho Attitude, Commands Total fear.
[ ]     Couldn't Lead A Pack of Hungry Wolves To Meat.
[ ]     Mother Teresa Told Him to Get Fucked.

==================================================

        I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE BEEN COUNSELED AND UNDERSTAND MY RIGHTS UNDER
THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974.  I FURTHER ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I AM FUCKED UP AND 
WORTHLESS AS A BASEBALL BAT, AND I WILL MAKE SOME KIND OF ATTEMPT TO CORRECT 
MY OBVIOUS DEFICIENCES.

_______________________________
Employee Signature (If He Can Write)