IJMC If You Think English Is Difficult Now...

		IJMC - If You Think English Is Difficult Now...

What's really scary is that by the end of this, I was starting to think 
it makes sense. Oh boy!						  -dave


Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in
ways of improving efficiency in communications between
Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling
is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough,
through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased
programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme
would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top
level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest
using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in
all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c'
could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed
alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of
klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it
kould be announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth
be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty
per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the
languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu
to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it
would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be
reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen
ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after
al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be
dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

IJMC June 1995 Archives