IJMC - Your Newspaper, Suh

Why bother reading the real paper...this is all that's interesting in it 
anyway...and like the real paper, I don't wanna know if it's true! -dave


***PERSONALS***
 
 MARRIED MAN, 37, SEEKS A WOMAN who'll appear by
 telekinesis at my door now.  I don't have time to wait
 for a postal response, as my wife will be back from her
 business trip in seven days.  I know it's doubtful
 this'll work; in fact, if you don't get over here in
 five minutes I'm just going to drink a bunch of beers.
 But I figure it's worth a try.
 
 MWM SEEKS a yard or garage sale featuring a good set
 of golf clubs for under $20, a lawn mower for $20, a
 couple of old Cream and Chicago albums with minimal
 scratches for $.50 each, and a few good-condition 42
 Long suits from a guy dead in his prime for $10 each.
 
 MED-SCHOOL STUDENT seeks corpse swap.  I crave a woman,
 20-35, with nice butt, no puncture wounds, tumors,
 wasting or jaundice.  No ob-gyn-school seconds.  Am
 willing to trade vintage 28-year-old male junkie,
 56-year-old housewife run over by a truck, and a fresh
 German shepherd.
 
 SWF, 24, CANTANKEROUS, PISSY, SELFISH, mean-spirited,
 cranky, obstinate, greedy, bitchy, and not even that
 great looking, but with that certain something that
 sucker-man after sucker-man somehow finds irresistible,
 seeks new girlfriends who'll be mesmerized an appalled
 at how easily and cruelly I manipulate men.
 
 SWM SEEKS DEBORAH NORVILLE-TYPE WOMAN, an eduacated,
 beautiful, blond millionaire whom the rest of the world
 hates, for good times, possible marriage.
 
 SWF, 18, seeks financially gifted old widower, enjoys
 staying home on weekend nights while wife does grocery
 shopping into late evening.  Heart condition a plus.
 
------------------------------
 
Subject: News
 
The Catholic Church in the Netherlands recently announced that it had
reached an agreement with cellular telephone companies to sell space on
church steeples for the companies antennas.
 
 
                        **********************
 
 
The Peoples Insurance Company of China recently began offerhing a
marriage insurance policy, in which a couple that divorces forfeits all
premiums paid, but a couple that stays together 25, 40 or 50 years stands
to gain substantial dividends.
 
 
                        **********************
 
 
Dr. Henry Abrams of Loveladies, N.J., who was Albert Einstein's
opthalmologist and who removed Einstein's eyes during his autopsy in 1955
(storing them in a safe-deposit box ever since), rcently announced the
eyes were for sale and said he expected they could bring as much as $5
million.
 
 
                        ***********************
 
 
"The Charlotte Observer" reported recently that a Sanford, N.C., man
drove to City Hall, wearing only a towel, to complain that his water had
just been shut off in the middle of his shower.  After the city pointed
out that his account was overdue and that it had mailed two warnings, the
man stood in line, paid his bill, and drove back home to finish his shower.
 




Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC).
Unless otherwise specified, distribute freely. All questions, comments,
submissions, and requests should be directed to Dave at eatheror@netcom.com
       IJMC WebPage - http://gsusgi2.gsu.edu/~stdmdix/ijmc/ijmc.html

This is Mac.                                            \\\\|////
He wants to travel the world.                           ( O   O )
Please add him to your .sig and help him.          ---oOOo--U--oOOo---