IJMC - OUCH!

Read on...and cringe.						-dave


                Three Worst Chinese Torture Tests

   A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
   hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything
   besides what he could forage, and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves
   and under trees.

   One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods.
   It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other
   buildings in the area.  However, he sees smoke coming out of the
   chimney, implying that someone is home.

   He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
   beard almost down to the ground.  The old man squints his eyes
   and says, "What do you want?"

   The man says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks
   and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time.  I would
   be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house
   for tonight."

   The old Chinese man says, "I'll let you come in on one
   condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter."

   The man, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees saying, "I
   promise I won't cause you any trouble.  I'll be on my way
   tommorrow morning."

   The old Chinese man counters with, "Ok, but if I do catch you
   then I'll give you the three worst chinese torture tests ever
   known to man."

   "OK, OK," the man says as he enters the old house.
   Besides, he thinks to himself, what kind of woman would live
   out in the wilderness all her life?

   Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after
   showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was
   an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks,
   it had been many, many months without companionship.  And the girl
   had only seen the occasional monk, besides her grandfather, and
   well, they couldn't keep their eyes off each other
   throughout the meal.

   That night, the man snuck into the girl's bedroom and
   they had quite a time, but kept the noise down to a minimum.    
   The man crept back to his room later that night, thinking to
   himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that
   experience."

   Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight
   on his chest.  He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock 
   there.  On the rock was a sign saying, "First Chinese torture
   test: 100 lb. rock on chest."

   "What a lame torture test," the man thought to himself as
   he got up and walked over to the window.  He opened the shutter
   and threw the rock out.  On the backside of the rock was another
   sign saying, "Second worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right
   testicle."

   The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to
   be grabbed, jumped out of the window after the rock.  Outside the window 
   was a third sign saying, "Third worst Chinese torture test: Left 
   testicle tied to bedpost."




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